Sleepless in Kay-Hell (K.L.)!!!

i woke up today and thought "Oh God i need more sleep!!" i'm having trouble sleeping again. i go to bed exhausted, i close my eyes and wait for sleep to come but it only grazes me, sweeping gently across my being. i float in and out of slumberland hoping that i would go to the most secret corner of my soul where dreams are made (my subconscious mind), where my body is rested, preparing me for the next day. But i am interrupted by the sound of the tv in the living room, a child squealing downstairs aaarrrgh!!!!! i'm a lite sleeper and any little sound can keep me up all nite. God help me if i sleep next to a person who snores. That's why i welcome sleep wen i have too much to drink. i can sleep anywhere even with a snorer bellowing next to me. Yes, bellowing!!! =)

So back to yesterday, yes, i was exhausted but could not fall asleep, i mean i did sleep but it was not the deep sleep that makes you feel refreshed wen u awake. Instead, this kind of sleep makes you crave more sleep. i'm feeling a little light-headed from my sleep deprivation.so excuse me if i sound like a crazed person this morning.

I was asked to take sleeping pills by my co-workers. i think it's because wen i am sleep deprived i turn into a total bitch. Ok, ok a Mega bitch. i can't help it. Sue says it's like "dancing with death" wen i morph into a sleepless monster. Jokes aside, frens have given me meditation leaflets, relaxation and breathing techniques, yoga (ok its the same thing), chamomile tea bags, and wen all fails, a group of colleagues prayed for me =). THAT'S how bitchy i become, i need prayers. hehehe.

i went online yesterday trying to figure out something to do and came across one of these sites where you take an online test to gauge certain stuff about yourself. i was actually doing research on Emotional intelligence and you know one can get lost in the throes of information on the web. so i thought heck why not give it a shot. it was a depression test. Fine! i'm not depressed so why not.

So, bla, bla, bla.....

Did you have weeping spells in the last couple of weeks? uh...yes!,

Did you have images and thoughts of death or suicide in the last couple of weeks? uh...not suicide but death...yes!

Do you feel like you are not getting enough support from friends or family?

Do i feel like the whole world is against me? uh..yes!

Have you lost interest in activities or things that normally interest you? Hell yeah!!!

Then came the results....APPARENTLY i'm suffering from major depression. Yeah rite!!! hahaha.

But that does explain some of the stuff i've been experiencing. Bursting into tears for no apparent reason, venting my anger on the wrong people, highly irritable, insomnia, no interest in hanging out. i have to force myself to go out, and yet i don't want to go home. Lost excitement for anything....*sigh. AND it did last for about 2 weeks plus. There are good days and bad days though. Some days i don't give a flying f**k about anything then there are days wen the whole world is topsy turvy.

I think it's due to lack of sleep. Will have to go see the doctor sometime soon....*YAWN.....