In answer......

Definitely PMS!!!!!

How???

I'm having conflicting needs at this point in my life. I want but I don't want. I need but I don't need. sigh*

Something like this.....sound familiar

"Every time we lie awake

After every hit we take

Every feeling that I get

But I haven’t missed you yet

Every roommate kept awake

By every sigh and scream we make

All the feelings that I get

But I still don’t miss you yet

Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you

Why do I love you

I hate everything about you

Why do I love you"

- (I Hate) Everything About You; Three Days Grace -

Then at other times I also feel like this;

"When you see my face

Hope it gives you hell

Hope it gives you hell

When you walk my way

Hope it gives you hell

Hope it gives you hell

And truth be told, I miss you

And truth be told, I'm lyin'"

- Gives You Hell; All American Rejects -

And the worst feeling of all........

"Hit me like a ray of sun

Burning through my darkest nights

You're the only one that I want

Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again

But this don't even feel like fallin'

Gravity can't forget

To pull me back to the ground again

It's like I've been awakened

Every rule I had you breakin'

It's the risk that I'm takin'

I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now

I'm surrounded by your embrace

Baby I can see you halo

You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more

It's written all over you face

Baby I can feel your halo

Pray it won't fade away"

- Halo; Beyonce Knowles -

Ok, ok I know it's sappy and melodramatic but I can't help it. Hmm.....wonder if it's just PMS. Damn!

The bug...

I have been ill since the start of this month. No joke. I was working at odd hours during the last week of March. Sleep at 12am, wake up at 3 or 4 am to finish work and then go to work. It was like that for most of the week. On April 1st a few of us were preparing for the Best Employers in Asia (BEA) event. It was a pretty big event and i was the emcee. The agenda kept changing and everything was finalized only on the eve of the event. That night I had to prepare the emcee script. Thing is it was a formal event with a minister as the VIP. That was what put pressure on me - that and the fact the BEA project manager was a bit bossy. The company we were partnering with were useless, they did not even set up the stage according to our specifications. So the night before we had to make changes and ensure that everything was ok. Finished at Prince Hotel at 9 and headed back to the office to finalize the music and other stuff. Reached home at 1130pm, showered and slept at 12am. Woke up at 3 to finish script. Left my house at 630am so I could be at the Hotel early but me being the Jonah that I am, was stuck in a jam at 630am mind you. I finally reached the hotel at 730am when it's actually only 15 minutes away. F**k. Anyway was finalizaing everything cos there were more changes. I was nervous as hell. R called to wish me luck, all the while I kept saying I was so nervous i felt like puking. His encouragement was to remember that they were only human. My colleague R gave me shoulder rubs to ease the tension. So i finally started and R gave me the nod and thumbs up. I relaxed and the event went on well enough. Could have been better but I did get compliments so i felt it was not too bad. A few of us went to Bangkok Jazz after the event for drinks. I had 2 (the least in the group). That night when I went home I crashed and burned. Totally! R called to find out how the event went. He wanted to meet up but I was so bummed i was barely audible over the fone. Just slept and slept and slept. Woke up early the next day (I told my boss that I was taking leave that Friday to recover and she was ok with it, she encouraged it even) with a splitting headache. That was the start of it. Still I had to squeeze in time to finish a proposal for some client. That night was also the night my best friend J was coming home from Singapore after a week. Her birthday was on the 2nd and unfortunately the poor dear was away. Her sweetheart of a boyfriend was cooking her dinner (prawn sambal yummy). I slept the whole day wishing the headache would disappear. It did get better for a while so I decided to finish the proposal. Then it hit me again, oh...the nausea and my sweaty clammy palms....I went anyway. The food was good, they wanted to go to Waikikis, L was very persuasive and i don't know how to say no. So we went for a while. At least Y and I were there for a while. L,J and B stayed on. Went home and slept. And it was downhill from there. The flu, fever, sore throat, asthma attacks, and the worst - the cough. I'm still not fully recovered but I'm so much better now. Was stoned most of the time thanks to the medication I was on. Still.....it didn't come close to the real deal so no comfort there. In fact it left me feeling really dehydrated that I felt I was gonna spontaneously combust at any time. There was a time when my fever was so high that I slept with a cold compress on my forehead and a wet towel around my neck. But that also aggravated the cough, which rose from deep within my lungs, struggling to be released from the walls of mucus which lined my whole respiratory system.

There were windows where i did get better and thought I was recovering and so I went back to the office but it only became worse. My boss looked at me and told me to take complete rest before I thought about getting back to the office. I seriously looked as if i crawled out of the grave. So i took the opportunity to sleep and read. I have offically run out of books to read, and I can't find anything interesting at the bookshops. Y, any suggestions? I really liked the one by Hanif Kureishi that we picked up - I could see why you loved that book, it was so you - sick and totally twisted 8-S. Couldn't find his other book though.

So I'm back at the office now, it's good to be back, lots of things to keep me busy. So long then.....